Trip back home….
I write this piece as I am midway into my 14-day isolation period at an SHN dedicated facility in Singapore, after spending a blissful week back in India with family. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about this trip I made back home for no reason and not for a moment do I regret it. This piece is dedicated to my two girls (13 years and 8 years), my husband, and my sister who rendered their highest level of support in the most subtle way when I decided to go home to visit my family. Special credit to my 18-year old nephew who in his most casual style helped me to take that final step.
Let me rewind many years. I grew up in India and left home for the first time right after graduation when I was a naive 21-year-old. I was setting foot not only out of my home but also the country. The one-year I spent overseas, opened my eyes to several realities — to care more, to adapt, to tolerate, to be strong, and to learn to fight my own battles. Little did I know that almost twenty-five years hence all this will come so handy. After that one year spent out, I never went back to live with my parents. The wings of independence had got hooked onto me and it’s been close to two decades of moving countries and being away from home. But as much as I have loved this freedom, I have also always gone back home at the drop of a hat. Friends will vouch that I am (in)famous for even taking weekend trips back to India. In all likelihood, it’s been a trip for no special reason.
Singapore has been home for twelve years now. When the pandemic hit us last year, the first few months were spent fighting all kinds of fears. As months passed by, it started to get clear that as much as this is a fight about being safe, it’s also about fighting the mind. The first person I saw in discomfort was my husband who had started to worry about his aged parents who were living alone and hadn’t seen him for almost a year. Amidst all fears, despite discouragement from several quarters, I nudged him to gather the courage to make the trip home. To date he vouches, this trip was the most priceless one.
Needless to say, there was a secret desire brewing in my head too. I had seen several friends take the trip back home last year but for personal emergencies. But going home for no reason was not common hence I hesitated. As months passed, it also started to become a question in my mind of how long would this wait be.
People who know me also believed it would be hard for me to spend 14-days by myself locked up in isolation on my return and discouraged me. On the other side, colleagues at work could sense my restlessness and would nudge me to take that trip. They witnessed all these years my mad rush of going for family holidays, dropping off the kids every school break at their grandparents, juggling work remotely during these trips, my parents visiting us here. So, the void was visible to them.
Finally, I took the call to go home. It meant leaving behind my girls for three weeks, spending at least two weeks in isolation, putting myself and my family at risk from the travel. But clearly, the desire to be happy was bigger now. Not just to make them happy but equally important was my happiness. I was made to realise this by a dear friend who told me that for once I must forget about everyone around me and only think of what I was missing and what this trip would do to me. That was the final trigger that helped me make up my mind.
As I was packing, I noticed I was carrying back a suitcase filled with love and hope. It was filled with gifts, medicines, candies, that I was carrying back home for parents of dear friends. My dad messaged me the morning I was leaving to remind me to get him his favorite international newspaper editions of that day. So, a quick dash to the airport bookstore was surely on my list. I have been carrying this for him for years during every trip I head home. I was glad nothing had changed.
I broke down as I boarded my flight to India. As my colleague quipped, “you were just overwhelmed”. The week spent at home was filled with the most mundane activities. We spent hours laughing, arguing over the most inconsequential things, ordering in our favorite food, binge-watching TV, lots of noise in the house, me sleeping in, and us chilling over a drink. It was a week where I lived through everything that brings me joy. Even the hours of silence amongst us in the home, because that’s a silence I crave for. Being amidst my people gives me the strength to face any hurdle that I may face at work or in my life. While there, my brother-in-law’s parents who are also aged and live in a different city in India alone sounded low during one of their phone calls with him. It was now my turn to nudge him to make the trip and go visit them.
As I was heading back to Singapore, just before leaving home, my mum bid me farewell by saying, “You are mentally very strong. Remember that and make the most of your isolation period and use it to relax and rejuvenate.” That was her subtle way of reminding me of my years spent away from home that had made me strong and who I am.
They quietly slipped in quarantine gifts into my box (lots of reading for me to catch up on). All I said to them before I left was, “The joy of seeing you all is priceless. The isolation is a small price to pay.” Bidding them goodbye and with the hope that we will meet again soon, I was back in Singapore to start my 14-day isolation. In contrary to how everyone thought I would react, my isolated stay in this hotel room in the middle of the island city has been the most rejuvenating and recharging experience. It seems like just one of those work trips I used to take where I would squeeze in pockets of time for me to indulge in a massage or shop. Again, something that always brought me joy.
The isolation has truly proved how little we need to survive. Living out of a suitcase with three pairs of tracks and basic T’s, my days are spent working a bit (even winning two new clients), reading a year’s backlog of books, looking out of that little window watching the world pass by, friends and colleagues who have endlessly been checking on me, catching up with friends, ordering my favorite food, even having my newspapers delivered to my room and most importantly living from the high of my week spent at home.
As I checked into the hotel, my girls had all my favorite snacks stocked in my room as my welcome pack. As my father-in-law joked when he called to check on me, “Seems like you have earned this break and you are making the most of it.” He was absolutely right. I wasn’t going to have it any other way. The motivation and desire to go and find happiness was so big, this seems like a small hurdle to cross.
I had a close associate who messaged me a few days back to ask me how I would deal with the isolation period once I got back. I recollect telling him, “Trust me, it’s surely a small price to pay.” He texted me a few days later to say my response was enough for him to decide to book his flight home to meet his parents. As I wind up for the day and gear up for another day in isolation, hearing the friend’s decision made me feel wonderful that a small act of mine could go such a long way for someone. We can surely be thankful to this pandemic for making us all rise beyond our selfish interests and look out for others with some level of empathy and kindness. Hope this stays with us for a lifetime now and hopefully, I will start to plan my next trip back home again soon.
